Celebrity Big Brother
by xxhugsandrocketsxx
Summary: 26 celebrities, one house. What's the worst that could happen!
1. Audition Videos

Millions of people have tried out, including celebrities and normal civilians who have dreams to win this show. We decided to crush everyone's dreams and chose 26 famous people you may or may not know. However, before we start, I would quite enjoy showing you some of these audition tapes.

**First tape – Jared Leto of 30 Seconds to Mars**

Jared: "My name is Jared fucking Leto, and I like chilling on the grass and random places. I think I should be allowed into the Big Brother House, because I am Jared Leto. Enough said."

*Turns off camera*

**Second tape – Logan Henderson, James Maslow, Carlos Pena, & Kendall Schmidt of Big Time Rush**

Kendall: Hey, we kinda just got bored, so decided to make an audition tape for Big Brother.

Logan: We thought it would be funny to have Big Time Rush on Big Brother, ahah, see what I did there?

Carlos: Yes, Logan. They see what you did here. But I kinda do want to be on the show! So don't fuck this up!

James: We like the show and pie, so let us all in! THERE! WERE DONE! I'M TURNING OFF THE CAMERA NOW!

Kendall: But, I love you!

Logan: BABY COME BACK, YOU CAN BLAME IT ALL ON ME! I WAS WRONG, AND I JUST CANT LIVE WITHOUT YOU!

Carlos: No, we're going to get in, so were done. Remember, pie, music, and the show!

*James turns off camera*

**Third tape – Amy Lee, Terry Balsamo, Tim McCord, Will Hunt, and Troy McLawhorn of Evanescence**

Amy: Hello-

*Camera drops on the floor*

Tim: Good going Amy! A fucked up camera will definitely get us in.

Terry: And why are we doing this again?

Will: Because it would be fun to live in a house with many other strangers.

Amy: Aww c'mon guys, it would be a ton of fun!

*Amy picks up camera and places on counter*

Amy: Let's try this again; hello! I'm Amy. I like making music and painting, and I think I should be allowed in the Big Brother House because I love the show and I think it would be so cool to live there.

Terry: I'm Terry. I like music and playing my guitar. And I think I should _not_ be allowed in the Big Brother House because you never know if someone there is a pedophile.

Will: I'm Will. I like music, and I agree with Terry on this one.

Amy: *Groans*

Troy: I'm Troy. I also agree with Terry and Will.

Tim: And I'm Chuck Norris, and you're watching Disney channel.

Amy: *sighs and turns off camera*

**Fourth tape – Rebecca Black**

Rebecca: So, since I have no friends, I decided to make this video. Big Brother seems pretty cool. I mean, everyone knows my hit song "Friday"! If I did get into the Big Brother House, I would sing it all the time! And everybody would love me!

*Starts obnoxiously singing when mother walks into the room*

Mom: SHUT THE HELL UP AND TURN THAT CAMERA OFF! JESUS! IT'S TUESDAY!

Rebecca: BUT!

*Mom turns off camera*

**Fifth tape – Britney Spears**

Britney: Well since I'm _so_ famous and talented with auto-tune, I think I am the right choice to be allowed into the Big Brother House. I mean, just listen to me sing.

*Starts singing horribly*

"I-I-I wanna ta-a-ake you awa-a-ay take you from the hunger games."

*Hesitates*

Britney: No wait, that was a parody of my song about some sort of a thing called The Hunger Games. Well, buh-bye!

*Turns off camera*

**Sixth tape – Obama and Sarah Palin**

Obama: Hello America, I have decided to try out for Big Brother with my good friend Sarah Palin

Sarah: Hello everybody! My name is Sarah Palin, and I love America!

Obama: Yeah, that's nice, so anyway, the show better take me, you don't have to take Sarah, but if you do not choose the President, I will have the Secret Service on your ass! That is all

Sarah: Even of you don't choose me, I still love America! I will always love America! GOD BLESS AMERICA, LAND THAT I LOVE!

Obama: SHUT UP!

*Sarah starts to cry*

Obama: Good *gets up, steps over Sarah on the floor, and turns off camera*

**Seventh tape – Justin Bieber **

Justin: *Flips hair* Hey there. I'm Justin Bieber, and I love my fans. I think I should be allowed into the Big Brother House so I can get my fans to watch the show and the shows rating will sky rocket. Doesn't everyone just love me and the Beliebers?

Mom: JUSTIN! COME IN HERE AND TRY ON THIS DRESS I GOT FOR YOU!

Justin: *Groans* BUT MOM! I'm a lesbian, why can't you see that?

Mom: *Barges in room* Young lady turn off that camera right now.

Justin: But mo-

Mom: *Turns off camera*

**Eighth tape – Ke$ha**

Ke$ha: I'm fucking Ke$ha. Let me into the Big Brother house, or I will find you and shove glitter down your throat. LOVE YOU! Mwah! Later!

*Walks away from camera*

Ke$ha: Girl, where's my beer?

*runs back and turns off camera*

** Ninth tape – Lindsey Lohan**

Lindsey: Well, I think I should be allowed into the Big Brother House because I would love another one million dollars. Also because I'm Lindsey Lohan, and I get anything I want, and that means all you losers out there should bring me alcohol; right now.

*Starts chugging beer and turns off camera*

**Tenth tape – Destery Moore and Nathan Owens **

Destery: SUP WHORES! Yeah, were gonna do this shit! Big Brother is Nathan's life, because he likes men.

Nathan: MMH HMM! DAMN STRAIGHT!

Destery: So, in the name of Transformers, put us on Big Brother, if not, that's okay, because we get more views on our YouTube videos than you do on your show!

Nathan: OHHH BURNN!

Destery: Nathan, shut up.

Nathan: But Destery, I love you.

Destery: I love you too, that's why I'm doing this gay ass video. Jesus, if we make it, I'm going to rape a rubber duck!

Nathan: pssh we will so make it! I'll go get a rubber duck!

*Nathan walks away from camera*

Destery: I was joking you whore! Get back here!

Destery: *turns off camera and runs after Nathan*

We wanted to show you all of the videos, but the other ones were what we would like to call, too disturbing for human eyes. And some of them were just too boring, and we care for the entertainment of our viewers. We will announce who officially made it next week! Some of those winners could be from this list, or others that we couldn't show, because people are disgusting! Well, that's it for this week folks.


	2. Day 1 The Contestants

**So, we're just going to say right now, we do not own any of the people in our story. The way they act is strictly comedy. We also do not mean to make any personal attacks. JUSS SAYIN!**

Welcome to week two of Big Brother! Here is the complete list of the 26 lucky celebrities who have made the show!

Lady Gaga

Kim Kardashian

Jared Leto

Kendall Schmidt

Destery Moore

Kristen Stewart

Justin Bieber

Oprah Winfrey

Adam Young

Carlos Pena

Amy Lee

Hayley Williams

Logan Henderson

Tim McCord

Rebecca Black

Ke$ha

Adam Lambert

Snooki

Selena Gomez

Nick Jonas

Ellen DeGeneres

Lindsey Lohan

James Maslow

Demi Lovato

Ringo Starr

Obama

Well, this should be q very fun time….

As the 26 contestants slowly approach the stage for the very first time, they line up along the stairs outside. Some of their faces were most definitely priceless.

"Oh my Jesus, is that Justin Bieber?" Rebecca squealed as she ran to the steps. She decided to take the place next to him and stared at him like a stalker would for about 20 minutes as everyone else got there. Justin shifted uncomfortably.

"Who the hell are all of these people?" Ringo said, putting his suitcase down on the floor.

"Ringo? Ringo Starr? Didn't you die like, 20 years ago?" Ke$ha asked walking into the building. Ringo gave Ke$ha an odd look.

"No? And why is there so much glitter on your body? And who the hell is everyone? And what the hell is everyone wearing?" Ringo asked, gesturing at Ke$ha's extremely short shorts. Ke$ha rolled her eyes.

"Well-" Ke$ha started, then leaned down and vomited on the floor. Ringo took a step back, and Hayley Williams and Amy Lee moved forward to hold her hair back as she puked. Amy sighed in defeat.

"Twenty minutes in and too many things have happened." Amy mumbled, and Hayley nodded in agreement. Logan walked into the building and walked over to the scene before him.

"Dare I ask? Oh, Ke$ha…this explains a lot." Logan spoke and rubbed the back of his neck. Kendall, James, and Carlos walked up right behind Logan.

"You sure about this shit, guys?" Kendall asked. "I mean, living with Ke$ha, and Justin Bieber, and…Ringo Starr? Aren't you supposed to be dead?"

"FOR THE LOVE OF JESUS! AREN'T YOU SUPPOSED TO BE ON TOUR, PRETTY BOY? I'M NOT DEAD! DO I LOOK DEAD? NO! God, note to self, don't live alone in a small house in the middle of nowhere anymore." Ringo yelled, walking away with his suitcase in hand. As Ringo walked away, Tim walked up with his suitcase to the group that was forming and hesitated.

"Was that Ringo Starr?" Tim asked aloud to everyone, looking extremely confused.

Jared who has just joined the growing group answered, "I could've sworn he died years ago." The rest of the group nodded in unison. Amy sighed.

"I guess we have just been proven wrong." Amy said, and Destery nodded.

"I swear this show is trying to brainfuck us all." Destery said. And was Destery ever right.

As the 26 celebrities stood in their spots on the steps, Julie Chen, the host of the show, walked up to them. "Hello everyone. I see we have some familiar faces with us here today. As you can probably tell, this year we had decided to do a Celebrity Version of our show, just to troll up the population of America." Obama rolled his eyes as Julie continued.

"Most of you probably already know the rules, but for those who don't, let me explain them to you all."

"I know the rules Julie, because I'm a smart kid!" Justin yelled proudly, raising his hand up high.

"That's fantastic, Justin, but sadly, we don't give a shit. Anyway, the rules are simple. You will be living in this house for 3 months. Every week, there will be a HOH competition, and a POV competition. One of you will go home each week and the last person wins the $1,000,000. So, let's see who the first four to enter the house."

"Oh, I sure hope I get to go in first!" Rebecca yelled obnoxiously.

"Jesus Christ, could you be any louder whore?" Destery yelled back.

Rebecca pouted and crossed her arms. Julie took what looked like a little jar, and pulled 4 pieces of paper out of it.

"And the first four people to enter the house are, Jared Leto, Kristen Stewart, Lindsey Lohan, and Kim Kardashian."

"Good, I better get to go in first!" Jared said moving forward.

"This is an abomination! I am the President of the United States. I should get to go in first!" Obama roared in outrage.

Logan and Carlos looked over at him. "Shut up! I'm an attractive 23 year-old, you don't see me complaining." Logan retorted. Carlos giggled.

"DENIED!" Kendall shouted. Tim clapped. After that, Kendall felt the urge to give Tim a high five. So he walked over to him, held his hand up high, and said, "I request the highest of fives!"

"I will sue you all." Obama stated.

Tim gave Kendall the "highest of fives" like a boss, and Julie proceeded.

*In the House*

As the 4 of them walked into the house, Jared was the first to find his bed. "Shit, these are some pretty big beds." He put his stuff down on the semi-large bed, and walked out into the kitchen. "WHERE'S MY MOTHER FUCKING ORANGE JUICE!" he screamed.

"Why don't you check up your fucking ass?" Kristen shouted back.

"Hey, you find your bed yet, Kristen?" Lindsey asked.

"Yeah, why?" Kristen retorted with an attitude.

"Good, now go in it, and get that stick out of_ your_ ass!" Lindsey sarcastically replied.

Kim stormed into the room and complained, "What the fuck are you guys yelling about? Can't I just get some peace and quiet before that annoying little Rebecca girl and that gay kid come in here?"

"Kim, go sit down on the couch." Lindsey muttered.

Kim went to go sit quietly on the couch. Jared came back into the doorway, holding a glass of orange juice. "I found it." He announced loudly.

"Congratulations, why are you such a badass?" Kristen proclaimed sarcasticaly.

"Because I'm Jared fucking Leto. That's why hot stuff." Jared replied back with a huge smirk plastered on his face.

"If you rape me, I will hunt you down, and stab you with an extremely sharp stick until your limbs fall off, and you bleed to death." Kristen threatened Jared. Jared looked at her in surprise.

"Wow, I never knew you were even capable of emotion!" Jared said surprised, and Kristen glared at him with hatred.

"Watch it buddy." Kristen said darkly, and walked off to sit next to Kim on the couch.

Just then, Destery, Snooki, Logan, and Amy entered the house.

Amy took in the intense atmosphere of the room and looked at Kristen's pissed off expression and Jared's mocking one.

"Obviously we missed something, and I sure don't want to find out what just went down." Amy said. Logan walked up next to Amy.

"I'm kind of curious… sorry." Logan said, embarrassed.

"Jared's a whore." Kristen said, walking up next to Logan. "And you're cute."

Logan took a step away, "Yeah, no, and wait, I thought I was the whore. Jared, how could you?"

Jared muttered through his orange juice, "Sorry."

Snooki came out of one of the rooms "Wow, these rooms are beautiful!" she walked over to Destery. "And the beds fit two."

Destery took a step back. It was pretty obvious he didn't want … Snooki.

After Logan, Destery, and Amy found their beds, Lady Gaga, Tim, Adam Lambert, and James walked in the door.

"AMY, I LOVE YOU!" Tim screamed from across the room. Amy turned to face in the direction of Tim and she laughed.

"I love you too Tim." Amy said, and Tim walked across the room nonchalantly.

"Who doesn't love me?" Tim said coolly, and Amy burst into hysterics.

"I don't," Jared announced, and Tim just looked at him.

"Somewhere deep inside you, you know you love this hot stuff right here." Tim said, gesturing at himself. Amy only laughed harder. Jared took off his shirt, and Adam started drooling.

"Now look at me in all of my glory." Jared said and swaggered across the room. Logan began to swag walk beside him.

"Look at me, I'm Jared fucking Leto." Logan said in a deep voice, and everyone, even Kristen, laughed. At this point Amy couldn't breathe.

"What's everyone laughing at?" Kendall asked as he walked through the door, followed by Ke$ha, Adam Young, and Oprah. Ke$ha didn't even stop to hear, she just walked into the nearest bedroom she could find and set her bags down.

"Nothing." Logan said with a laugh. Kendall just shrugged it off and went to go find his bed.

"Who the fuck are you?" Lindsey asked getting up from the couch. She walked up to Adam and stared him down.

"Am I allowed to ask you a question if I answer yours?" Adam questioned. Lindsey nodded. "Okay, I am Adam Young, of Owl City. So, why the hell are you all up in my space? Take about 3 and a half steps back before we can actually continue talking, thank you."

Lindsey just walked away. As she entered the kitchen, Justin, being held by Rebecca, Demi, and Hayley came into the house.

"Will someone make this kid SHUT UP!" Demi ranted, pointing to Rebecca. "Justin this, Justin that! Jesus Christ!"

"DON'T MOCK MY LOVE!" Rebecca defended.

"That's not love, that's stalking!" Kristen whispered to herself.

"I HEARD THAT!" Rebecca yelled.

"GOOD!" Kristen yelled back.

As everyone either waited in the living room, or by the front door, Selena, Ringo, Nick, and Carlos walked through the door.

"Where for arth thow James!" Carlos asked, throwing his arms in the air.

"What the fuck are you guys on?" Kristen asked.

"You know you want some." James sarcastically said.

Carlos laughed and put his arm around James. "Let's share a room, kid!" Carlos said to James.

"Can I join in and make it a threesome?" Jared asked, finishing up his orange juice. "It's, only fair, because I'm bringing sexy back."

"Must we go over the swag walk again?" Logan proclaimed dramatically.

"Wow, and I thought I was a slut… but these children, NO!" Lady Gaga, speaking for the first time, walked up to James and Carlos. "You guys are from that gay Nick show, right? You guys too?" she asked this to Kendall, James, Carlos, and Logan.

"It is not gay! Don't mock our show like that!" Kendall scolded Lady Gaga. Just then Amy walked back into the room holding a mug of coffee.

"Well, aren't we just one big happy family? These next three months should be interesting." Amy said and plopped down on the floor near the edge of the couch. Just then, Ellen and Obama walked into the house arguing.

"Oh for Christ's sake, shut up, heaven forbid you're not the first one in the house." Ellen was scolding Obama, and Obama was arguing back.

"I am the President of the United States; I should _not_ be the last person to walk into this house." Obama stated, and Ellen rolled her eyes.

"And I'm Ellen DeGeneres, and you don't see me complaining that I'm the last one walking in with the complaining president." Ellen said.

"Oh, fun, more friends to join the family!" Amy cheerfully said. "Just sit down and shut up!"

As everyone gathered around the couch after finding their beds, Obama was still complaining.

"So, there's no beds left. I am not sleeping on the floor. Just saying." Everyone scolded at Obama.

"Shut up Mr. Don't I Just Know Everything President, the TV's on!" Ke$ha said loudly.

Just then, everyone gathered around the couch. The TV screen had just came on and Julie's face was the only thing that showed.

"I hope everyone is getting acquainted. So-"

"Getting acquainted my ass." Tim muttered, making Amy laugh.

Julie continued. "So, as well all know, Big Brother comes with a few twists. So, you know what I'm going to say next."

**Hope you guys are enjoying so far, more to come!**

_**~ xxhugsandrocketsxx & Cassi**_


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